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Things Not To Say During Sex

1) Is it in?
2) That's it?
3) You've got to be kidding me.
4) (phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you?
5) Do I have to pay for this?
6) Do I have to call you tomorrow?
7) Oh Momma, Momma!
8) Oh Dadda, Dadda!
9) You look better in the dark.
10) This is much better than my last girl/boyfriend.
11) I thought that goes in the other hole...
12) Don't tell my husband/wife.
13) You have the same bra my mom does (worse if the girl says it).
14) This sucks.
15) Can you finish now? I have a meeting...
16) I hope you don't expect a raise for this...
17) I think you might get the job for this.
18) Damn! is that all you know what to do.
19) Did I tell you, I have herpes?
20) Now we must get married.
21) Hurry up, the games about to start.
22) I'm hungry.
23) I'm thirsty.
24) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
25) Are you trying to be funny?
26) Can I have a ride home after this?
27) Are those real?
28) By the way, I want to break up.
29) Is that smell coming from you?
30) Haven't you ever done this before?
31) Wow!! I've never seen those before (then grope wildly).
32) Do you know what some female spiders do after sex?
33) You're so much like your sister....
34) Your mom's cute.
35) What's your name again?
36) Do I have to be here in the morning?
37) A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
38) But you just started!!
39) You're about as good as a 9 year old, and I should know!!
40) Don't touch that!!
41) Can we order a pizza?
42) I think my dad is listening at the door.
43) Smile for the camera, honey!!!
44) Take off that damn monkey glove!!
45) Get your hand out of there!!
46) I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.
47) I knew you wore a padded bra!!
48) Cover me boys, I'm going in!!!
49) DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!
50) Fire one!
51) God, that is small!!
52) Hold on, let me change the channel...
53) Who smells like fish?
54) Is it o.k. if my mom (and/or dad) joins in?
55) Your best-friend does it much better.
56) Hope you don't mind I left my boots on.
57) Hurry up, the motor's runnin'.
58) You're fogging up the wind-sheild.
59) Can I borrow 5 bucks?
60) What the hell noise was that?!
61) Stop moaning, you sound so stupid.
62) Shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it)
63) You know, you're not really attractive.
64) I'm sorry, I was not listening.
65) What, oh yea, I love you too, now let me concentrate!!
66) Stop interrupting me!!
67) I have to poop.
68) Did I leave the iron on?
69) Your breath is funky.
70) (start singing Green Day).
71) Is it o.k. if I call someone, its o.k. though, keep going...
72) Its ok honey, I can imagine that its bigger.
73) God I wish you were a real woman.
74) Why can't you ever shave your legs?
75) By the way, when I drove over here, I ran over your dog...
76) Oh Susan, Susan... I mean Donna...dang.
77) Your breast milk is like my mom's....
78) You're hairy!!
79) Your "happy trail" led me to a dead end.
80) Is it o.k. if I never see you again?
81) Did I forget to tell you I got worms from my cat?
82) Don't make that face at me!
83) All of a sudden i have a headache.
84) You're boring.
85) Would you shave my back after this.
86) Did I mention my name is Zog from Planet Tog.
87) How much do I owe you?
88) How come we each have a penis?
89) Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me!
90) Your ass is hairy (the guy says this).
91) Just use your finger, its bigger.
92) Does your family have to watch?
93) We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too.
94) Get off me, I'll do it myself!!!!
95) Can you hold this sandwhich for me?
96) You're as soft as a sheep, inside and out.
97) The only reason i'm doing this is because I'm drunk.
98) My mom taught me this...
99) How cute... peach fuzz!
100) Dang girl! My boobs are bigger than your's!
101) Should I ask why you're bleeding?
102) This is my pet rat, Larry...
103) If you can't do it, I'll find someone else who can!
104) I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker!
105) I was once a woman...
106) Wanna see me take out my glass eye?
107) No I don't love your mind, I can't grab that!!
108) Is it o.k. if I tell my friends about this?
109) I'm sobering up and you're getting ugly!
110) You wanted me to use a condom?
111) You're no better than my brother!!
112) Mooooo!!
113) Fire in the hole!!!
114) I wanna see how many quarters I can fit in there.
115) Hurry up, I'm late for a date.
116) OK start...oh! That feels so... YOU'RE DONE??!!
117) You ever see basic instinct?
118) I'm out of condoms, can I use a sock?
119) Don't squirm, you'll spill my beer.
120) Did I tell you where my cold sore came from?
121) You got boogies showing.
122) Start reciting the 10 commandments.
123) I think I just pooped on your bed.
124) Of course I don't love you.
125) Let me spell it out for you, b-r-e-a-t-h m-i-n-t.
126) A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time.
127) And to think ... I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
128) Are those real or am I just behind the times?
129) Did I mention my transsexual operation?
130) Did you cum yet dear?
131) Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
132) Does this count as a date?
133) Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun??
134) Don't mind me, I always file my nails in bed.
135) How long do you plan on being almost there?
136) Have you ever considered Liposuction?
137) Have you seen Fatal Attraction??
138) Hey? ... When's it gonna be Marv's turn????
139) Hic! ... I need another beer for this please ...
140) I bet you didn't know I work for the ENQUIRER.
141) I have a confession...
142) I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off...You got a light?
143) I REALLY hate women that thinks sex means something.
144) I think biting is romantic, don't you?
145) I was so horny tonight, I would have taken a duck home!
146) I'll tell you who I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're
thinking of.
147) Is that a hanging sculpture?
148) Is that you I smell or is your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
149) Is this a sin too???
150) I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain
151) Keep it down, My mother is a light sleeper
152) K-Y Jelly or no K-Y Jelly, I SAID NO!!!!!!!!!!
153) Long kisses clog my sinuses
154) Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like
155) My Ex used to do it a lot longer
156) Now I know why He/She dumped you
157) Oprah had a show about women like you
158) Perhaps you're just out of practice
159) Please understand, I'm only doing this for a raise.
160) SO that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
161) Sorry about the name tags ... I'm really bad with names.
162) Sorry, I don't do toes
163) They're not cracker crumbs ... it's just a rash.
164) Were you by any chance a repressed child?
165) What are you planning to make for breakfast?
166) What Tampon????`
167) When would you like to meet my parents?
168) You can cook too, right?
169) You could at least act like you're enjoying it!
170) You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated.
171) You look younger than you feel
172) YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT MY BLIND DATE!!!!!!!!
173) You sweat more than a galloping stallion!
174) You'll still vote for me won't you?