Dirty Limericks!
 

All right it's almost St-Patrick's Day... and I figured why not post a few dirty limericks to mark the occasion?

I don't care if you've Googled them or know them by heart... just share them here! The dirtier the better! :D

Here's one....

There once was a hooker named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue.
When they paid to get in,
She said with a grin,
You must pay to get out of it too! :bonk:

"I told you", said Dick to Louise,
"Not to wash for a month, if you please.
I prefer hanky panky
With you when you're manky
And smelling of over-ripe cheese."


.....

She farted a deafening earful
And gave me (I guess) a whole rearful
While giving her head.
It invaded the bed
With a pungency horribly fearful.

Hi Chris!

There once was a man named Bob
He loved to show off his nob
He flashed it at Dave
And rubbed it on Jay
Who sucked it like corn on the cob

Another one.. :D

There once was a vampire named Mabel,
who's period was notoriously stable
So one night in June
she sat with a spoon
and drank herself under the table

Here's one most of you have probably heard before...


There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
While wiping his chin,
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!

A grey webmaster named Evil Chris
often gave one off the wrist
Waking up one day
With dravyk who was gay
He proclaimed "Fuck ! I must of been pissed"

Next class, students, we shall discuss "meter," or the lack thereof.... :)

ROFL!!!!!!! :laughout:

You know.... Nick rhymes with a lot of things too!!!

At his computer sat Nick,
His hand... full of his dick,
But "full" is in this case quite relative,
And not to be overtly offensive,
His hand is the size of a tooth pick.

:)

There once was a man from Kent
Who's cock was so long it was bent
To stay out of trouble,
he stuck it in double
And instead of cumming he went.

There once was a fellow from Ealing
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
And then like a trout,
he'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drips from the ceiling.

There once was a whore named Maureen
Who's cunt was not kept very clean
The semen dripped out,
of her smelly old spout
Which she wiped up and ate with Saltines™

There once was a Rabbi from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vay!
"If you keep on this way
"The Messiah will come before you!!"

There once was a guy from Old Port
Who's prick was remarkably short
As he climbed into bed,
his lady friend said
"That isn't a prick - its a WART!"

There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his cock
When he got an erection,
he'd play a selection
From Johann Sebastien Bach

There once was a woman named Betty
Who's cunt hairs stuck together like Spaghetti
She was dripping in sleaze,
well past her knees
You had to part her legs with a Machete!