Feynman

NOTE: for those of you who find my answers too long, I wrote two versions of it.

-------- long answer -------

I suggest you have her read this thread.

We figure out the core of people within the very few minutes of our first interaction with them.

My hypothesis is that you already knew how she was.
Typically, when we choose a partner that is wrong for certain reasons, we know it from the very beginning, but we choose to ignore them believing that they will go away or never surface up.

You are facing a choice. Either to provoke change, in her as well as within yourself, or to split.


It is very common for women to be nagging and pressuring you to be the ideal partner with whom to be seen. She surely is a big part of the problem.

But OTOH, and I mean no insult here, *you* are the other big part of the problem. To her present state of mind, you are problematic, regardless if who's right or wrong the bigger picture.

If you want to keep her, you'll have to bring her within HER frame of mind to reflect and re-evaluate her own behaviours.

It will make it easier for her if you show that you are willing to listen and seriously consider her point. But the discussion should be kept at the level of principles, never be turned into a flame war over annoying factoids of each other's behaviour. That, IMHO, of course.

And if your fundamental outlook on life is too different, then, a split in in order.

Your difficult task is to assess if the qualities for which you choosed her in the first place are worth working for, in the context of things in her (and you) to change and if you think that she has the right stuff for you sharing your life with her.


Changing to fit the psychotic whims of the others is something definitely not to do. OTOH, changing to accomodate a lifestlyle, itself flowing from a philosophy of life that would bring you more happiness, that should seriously be considered.


And if you split, realise that you are likely to make the same mistake over and over again up until it becomes very clear to you what you want and not want out of life.

------- short answer ------

I haven't got a clue!

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Alea Jacta Est