Are secrets good for a marriage?

[Cyndalie]

To clarify I in no way mean anything like cheating or killing someone or closet homosexual or anything extreme.

Can secrets be healthy for a marriage? Like saying you have $500 in savings when it's really $1000 and you suprise her with a gift. Or she says she only had one glass of wine before you got home but she had three and no wonder she is so horny! Or something like stopping at your favorite store to window shop on your way home from work but saying instead you came straight home.

Sure it could be constured ad white lies but my question is - in marriage where everything is shared, sometimes witholding information can give you some kind of sense of independance.

Just some thoughts for the day, there's nothing I'm hiding!

[12ClicksMichele]

I dont think of that so much as keeping secrets but more keeping somethings as your own. When you are in a relationship its always good to keep something of yourself independent.

[Evil Chris]

I'm not sure what to answer here. Secrets between spouses are generally bad in my opinion/experience. The $500 versus $1000 in the account example isn't what I would classify as a good example because there's no real potential of harm to anyone.

I guess where there's potential harm or loss of trust, they all secrets are unhealthy. Solid relationships need to be fully transparent.

[Quagmire]

I agree with Mr Evil.

I'd rather know the good, the bad and the ugly than have something kept secret from me.

IMHO There is a difference between a secret and a surprise as well.

[carol.prime]

No. Secrets aren't allowed especially in marriage. You must be honest and give your full trust to your partner to make the relationship gets stronger.

[Abernathy SixtySix]

sorry but I have to disagree...I kept secrets where money was concerned. That is why I had separate bank accounts, for I could not trust him with money especially the last 3 years we were together....he made no effort in contributing to anything unless it benefitted him at all times... and I deserved better than that!!!!

[B O B]

OK Cyn,
You ready for the best kept secret...

I was in a bar a few years back, on one side was my significant other, not a wife at the time, on the other side was an older gent.

We got into a bit of an argument...alcohol was probably involved, and she got up and went home.

then the older guy said to me, "Man, I can solve all your women problems with two words..."

I said "Two Words? holy cow, what are they"

The man, who I come to find out was a retired FBI profiler for 30 years sayd

"Whenever you get into an argument, just say 'I Understand'"

needless to say it works

[ExLust]

Talking to infidelity. Doers are normally hiding it. And a no-no in marriage.

[Kristine]

My opinion is that secrets in a marriage are good. I'm not talking about hiding big problems and stuff like that, but small secrets. Anyway, you can't be sure that if you are 100% sincerely, your wife/husband is too. And that can make you get hurt someday.

[Stephane76]

Some things are better not said, i am talking about small little secrets just like Kristine indicated, no major issue secret or the marriage will go to shit... ( i went thru a divorce already)

[NicAngel]

leaving out little details doesn't qualify as a secret. unless they ask then definitely tell the truth, but leaving out that you had more than one glass of wine or stopped by a friends house on the way home from work is not a deal breaker for me.