Worst job you ever had was what?

[Evil Chris]

What's the worst job you ever had and how long did you do it for?
I'm sure there must be a few horror stories out there!

As for me, what comes to mind is when I worked at a candy-floss trailer at a country fair. It lasted all of about 4 hours. The woman I was working for was a textbook miserable bitch. After a few hours of putting up with her shit, I started giving samples of candy floss to my friends who were passing by.

She promptly fired me which was what I wanted and expected.

[McKidd]

As a teenager I worked on a sheep farm one summer.
I soon realized that farm work was not the life for me but I stuck it out for a couple of weeks.

[jacobkell]

Well i was do various jobs but i dont know what can be classified as worst.

[Vid Vicious]

selling life insurance and invest funds ... That was worse then being a dish washer.. The worst part of it all .. I was good at it ! Yerrrchhh

[Panky]

When I was 16, I worked 40 hours a week in a factory one summer labelling and pricing misc. products. It was hot, dirty, and boring. Most of the women cursed worse than drunken sailors and they spent most of their time going into graphic detail about their sex lives. Most times it wouldn't bother me at all, but just the mental images of some of these people giving someone a blowjob was enough to make one vomit. Many of my co-workers had hygiene habits that left a lot to be desired. I was 16 and very naive to how the real world actually was. I got a real education that summer. It was the longest 3 months of my entire life. I couldn't wait for summer to be over and school to begin again. After that experience, I was determined to keep my grades up and actually care about education. No way in hell was I going to end up working in a shit hole like that again.

[TheEnforcer]

I worked as a busboy a couple summers in high school. Even that wasn't so bad. I've had pretty damn good jobs all my life.

[MorganGrayson]

When I was in my very early twenties, I got a little job picking up extra money by cleaning apartments in the complex in which I lived. My job was to go in after the people had moved out and clean the place up so that the painters could come in. I worked with a nice girl who also lived in the complex.

Now, I've moved a lot in my life. I know the routine. Pack up all your stuff, get it out, then move in like a fiend with the cleansers, scrubbers, mops, vacuum, etc., etc., and make the place as spotless as possible. One simply doesn't leave a mess. It's...rude.

I thought everyone did that.

Holy shitfuck, was I ever wrong.

I actually had to hold on to my work partner while she vomited and had the screaming heebie jeebies after encountering the largest contingent of maggots ever seen in a refrigerator.

Cleaning up after assholes was the worst job I ever had.

The stupidest job I ever had was working for a British texting service. Basically, it was chatting with Brits - and pretending to be one - as they typed back on their cell phones. Now, if one can manage to have cyber sex while typing on a cell phone one has an impressive dedication to cyber sex. I got paid 7 cents a word. As I never write anything short, the money was good. I worked there about 6 months.

At one point, someone asked me what I had planned for that Saturday. For some damned reason, I said repairing my bathroom faucet. I got back the message "what is a 'faucet'?" Oh, shit, I thought, and IM'd my boss to ask "what's British for 'faucet'?" Taps. Ah.

Luckily, I had been previously informed where the "fanny" was in the UK or there could have been real trouble.

[Quagmire]

I haven't really had a bad job. I've had bad employers though. http://observer.thecentre.centennial...ult_100902.htm
That guy was the last person I worked for before going solo.

[DonMike]

I flagged traffic on a busy highway for my Dad's friend's construction company. I had a walkie talkie that I could barely hear through. The guy around the bend from me would tell me when cars were coming and I would rotate the sign to read "Stop" at my end, and when it was time for them to go I would rotate it to the "Slow" side. It was hot, I was miserable, the guys all talked about sports and chicks and I was totally disinterested. The workers took a two hour lunch break but they made me eat my lunch while standing on the road with my sign. And to make matters worse, when the guy on the walkie talkie would buzz in he wouldn't say "here comes a car" or "hold your traffic", he would mumble something like "blehgh" or "pfffteer" (at least that's what I would hear). So when I let a pinto go the same time he let a Mac truck go and they nearly collided, I knew it was time to quit.

Had the company not been owned by my Dad's best friend I probably would have walked. As it was, I lasted the day, thanked them for the job but told them I wouldn't be back.

One day. I thought that was a record until I read about Evil Chris' four hours. What the hell is candy floss anyway???

[Quagmire]

Originally Posted by DonMike

One day. I thought that was a record until I read about Evil Chris' four hours. What the hell is candy floss anyway???

Cotton Candy would be the other generic term for it.

'the pink afro'

[DonMike]

Originally Posted by Quagmire

Cotton Candy would be the other generic term for it.

'the pink afro'

Aaaaahh, thank you. Cotton Candy. Yum!!!

[MorganGrayson]

Ah...cotton candy.

That reminded me of another horrible job I had. I worked the snack counter at Targets in Louisville, KY, in the early '70's. One of the many reasons I got fired: rich white bitch tried pushing ahead to get her obviously much needed snack food. She nearly trampled a small black child to do it. I may have snarled at her, I'm not sure, but I said "I'm sorry, but he was here before you." (You would have had to live during the "honk if you're against school integration" times to fully appreciate this. The KKK actually had a march up a street by where I lived.) The small black child looked at me with huge eyes, part admiration and gratitude, part "oh, white lady, you are going to so pay for this somehow." (Very small children shouldn't have that good a grasp on reality. They really shouldn't.) Anyhoo, a complaint was lodged by the rich white bitch that I was rude.

True. I was rude. Trample a small black child because you think they belong at the back of the bus, so-to-speak, and I'm going to be rude. Count on it.

[Janell]

I needed tution money badly so I picked rocks for a farmer for a few weeks. It's funny how small a rock looks until you try to dig it out~

[Evil Chris]

Originally Posted by Janell

I needed tution money badly so I picked rocks for a farmer for a few weeks. It's funny how small a rock looks until you try to dig it out~

Oh I forgot about picking rocks. I did that lot's of times too.
In the town I grew up in, there were always farmers coming in to town looking for kids to come do jobs for them. Whether it be bailing hay, picking rocks or even "chicken picken". Essentially that was a two day job. The first day you're picking chickens out of their coop cages and putting them in crates (off to Campbell's soup they go), and the 2nd day putting new (and clean) chickens back into the cages for egg laying.

It was a very dirty and stinky job, but it did pay well. I didn't mind it too much because all my friends and I would get in on it.

[DrGuile]

bagger in a grocery store, 4 hours, they actually didnt keep me
later that same summer I got a job at the local university/community radio station, at 9$/hour, listening to the new CDs that came in and doing ads production...

fucking eh Im glad they didnt keep me at the grocery store! My amorphousness pays off!

[Quagmire]

Originally Posted by Janell

I needed tution money badly so I picked rocks for a farmer for a few weeks. It's funny how small a rock looks until you try to dig it out~

I'm in a unique position allowing me to offer people some perspective to what you're talking about. I have a farm with horses and I've been clearing our paddocks of small apple trees and cedars than seem to love to grow in any open space. The rock in the picture started out sticking out of the ground roughly the size of half a bowling ball (about 10" around and 5" high)



The rock here is about 6 feet wide, and the part you can't see in the hole is down about 3+ feet. As you can see by its position we can't even drag it out with the tractor and figure its several tons.

After much thought I've decided to put the backhoe on the tractor, dig a hole slightly bigger than the rock and push the fucker in it and bury it.

[Nickatilynx]

and for the old Brits amongst us....



CLIVE:
Er, I'll tell you the worst job I ever had.
DEREK:
What was that?
CLIVE:
The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... big tits, huge bum, and everything like that, but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum.
DEREK:
Really? Bloody hell, that must have been a task.
CLIVE:
Well, it was quite a task 'cause she had a big bum .....
DEREK:
Well, I remember.
CLIVE:
..... and they were big lobsters.
DEREK:
I remember she had a huge bum.
CLIVE:
Well, she had one and, er, you know, presumably in the afterlife .....
DEREK:
(belches) Oh dear.
CLIVE:
Shut up ..... she still has one. But I had to, used to go round, you know, of an evening .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... when Jayne was sleeping or sort of comatose, like, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... you know, you know.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
You know, just lying there.
DEREK:
Comatose.
CLIVE:
And the ne-
DEREK:
'Coma-toes to her head' huh-huh-huh.
CLIVE:
'Coma-toes to her head' - shut up.
DEREK:
(coughs)
CLIVE:
And, er, I had to retrieve these lobsters from her arsehole.
DEREK:
Yeah, well, I remember she had a lot of trouble with-, with lobsters up her arsehole.
CLIVE:
Well, you see, the lobsters .....
DEREK:
Basically, she suffered from, er, what was known in-, in the medical trade as 'lobsters-up-the-arsehole'.
CLIVE:
Well, this is what it said scientifically, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... 'lobsters-up-the-bum', you know .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... this was the scientific, er, term for it but, you know, in general terms it was known as 'Lobsterisimus -um- Bummakisimus'.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
And it was my job every evening to go round to Jayne .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... who was a sweet girl.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Sweet, charming, shy, mysterious girl .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... and get these fucking lobsters out of her arsehole.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Which is so tricky because she was a very sensitive woman, you know.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
I used to go round there every evening and these lobsters, you know, she used to go out bathing in Malibu .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... which is where she used to go out bathing.
DEREK:
Yeah, oh, Malibu, yeah.
CLIVE:
Malibu, yes. Malibu-de-bum-bum. And, erm, up went the lobsters - boing! - straight up her arsehole.
DEREK:
Well, I think, you know, I think she brought it on herself, really, didn't she?
CLIVE:
Not so much brought them on herself as so much encouraged them, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... by the flagrant display which she got up to.
DEREK:
Well, I think she was a dirty cow.
CLIVE:
Well .....
DEREK:
And being .....
CLIVE:
No, n-, no, no, be fair, be fair. You can call her a dirty cow but, let's face it, a lot of lobsters fancied her bum.
DEREK:
Yeah, well, I think, I-, let's face it, I think it was a fifty-fifty arrangement. I think that-, I-, I don't .....
CLIVE:
Yeah. The lob-, the lobsters didn't say, "we have the upper hand", .....
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
..... Jayne didn't say, "we have the upper hand" .....
DEREK:
There was no-, there was no feeling of, er, domination.
CLIVE:
No. It was a .....
DEREK:
A-, fif-
CLIVE:
..... fifty-fifty thing.
DEREK:
I think the lobsters got quite a nip out of it .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
Uh-huh-huh. And, er, I think Jayne got a lot out of it.
CLIVE:
Yeah, but it was my job, my job to retrieve the lobsters from her bum after the event.
DEREK:
What event?
CLIVE:
Post hoc, te proct.
DEREK:
P-post what?
CLIVE:
Post hoc, te proct.
DEREK:
Oh, yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
That's what it is in Latin, you know, .....
DEREK:
What-
CLIVE:
..... getting lobsters out of people's bums, after they've, er, .....
DEREK:
Oh, post hoc, te proct.
CLIVE:
Yes, yeah.
DEREK:
Well, when ..... (clears throat)
CLIVE:
But she was a sweet girl and I wouldn't knock her.
DEREK:
Well, I gather you wouldn't, no.
CLIVE:
No, I gather I wouldn't. But I'll tell you one thing Tony Newley said to me .....
DEREK:
What was that?
CLIVE:
"Who are you?"
DEREK:
Yeah? Just like that.
CLIVE:
Just like that. And I thought that made Tony Newley a-, a wonderful human being.
DEREK:
Did I tell you, the other day some bloke came up to me and .....
CLIVE:
What, Tony Newley?
DEREK:
No, no, I don't know who it was, and he said, "You cunt".
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
I said, "What?" He said, "You cunt".
CLIVE:
Yeah. And you replied, "You fucking cunt".
DEREK:
I said-, I-, no, well, not straight away, I said, "You cunt".
CLIVE:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, .....
DEREK:
And then he said .....
CLIVE:
..... what'd he come back with?
DEREK:
He come back. He says-, he said, "You fucking cunt". I said, "You calling me ..... "
CLIVE:
You're joking! He said, "You fucking cunt"?
DEREK:
He-, yeah, he said, "You call me a cunt, you fucking c-?" I said, "You f-", I said, "You fucking cunt".
CLIVE:
I should hope so, "you fucking cunt".
DEREK:
I s-, I said, "You fucking cunt", I said, "You fucking come here and call me a fucking cunt".
CLIVE:
I should say so.
DEREK:
I said, "You f-", I said, "You cunt". I said, "You fucking cunt". I said, "Who you fucking calling 'cunt', cunt?"
CLIVE:
Yeah, what did he say, cunt?
DEREK:
He said, "You fucking cunt!"
CLIVE:
Well, you fucking cunt, who are you to say to him that he was a fucking cunt?
DEREK:
Well, what d'you fu-, what d'you fucking think, mate, I fucking de-, defending my fucking self, weren't I?
CLIVE:
Well, no, he come up to you, call you "cunt", .....
DEREK:
Yeah!
CLIVE:
..... that's fair enough, what he said, "you fucking cunt", and you said back to him, "you fucking fucking cunt".
DEREK:
I sa-, well, .....
CLIVE:
Well, what do you expect him to say back apart from, "You fucking stupid fucking cunt!"
DEREK:
Well, I don't-, I don't expect nothing, do I?
CLIVE:
No.
DEREK:
But the f-, the cunt come back with, "you fucking cunt", cunt.
CLIVE:
Well, Christ, .....
DEREK:
I said, "You cunt?" I said, "You calling me a fucking cunt .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
..... You fucking-", I said, "You fucking cunt".
CLIVE:
Jesus Christ, yeah.
DEREK:
I said, "You-", I said, "You, you fucking cunt".
CLIVE:
Yeah, what-
DEREK:
I said, like that.
CLIVE:
You said it like that, did you, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... to him, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... or was he gone by then?
DEREK:
No, he fucking hit me. Fu-
CLIVE:
Hit you, did he?
DEREK:
Yeah, fucking cunt.
CLIVE:
Killed you dead, did he?
DEREK:
Nah, he-, he fucking hit me. I said, I said, .....
CLIVE:
Yeah, well, you can't blame him, can you?
DEREK:
I said, "You, you rotter".
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
And he-, he went off.
CLIVE:
Did he?
DEREK:
And he said, "You cunt" again.
CLIVE:
Well, 't's the only way to deal with him, 'init?
DEREK:
Yeah, well, I-, I showed him, didn't I?
CLIVE:
Yeah, well, you had to, didn't you? You had to stand up for what you stood for, didn't you? I mean, the only time I remember a similar occasion was, I was in, errm, I was at Spurs, Tottenham Hotspurs.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
I was watching a game against Arsenal, and this bloke come up to me and said, "Hello".
DEREK:
Oh no .....
CLIVE:
And I thought, "Christ!"
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
You know, this bloke comes up to me, says "hello", .....
DEREK:
Provocative fucker.
CLIVE:
..... fucking provocative.
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
I said, "What d'you mean, 'hello'?" And, do you know what he came back with?
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
He said, erm, "I just meant, 'hello'" I said, "Hur hur, I can sussed you out .....
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
..... right, for a starter, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
..... 'ere, get this in the bollocks for a start!" So I kicked him right in the balls, he fell to the floor, and as he fell to the floor he said, "Euuughh!" I said, "Don't you 'Euuughh' me, mate!"
DEREK:
I-, yeah, like he comes in with 'hello' and then goes out with 'euuughh'.
CLIVE:
Yeah, I said, "Don't you 'Euuughh' me, mate!" and I kicked his fucking teeth in!
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Then he went, "Aaaghh!", and I said, "Fucking hell! .....
DEREK:
I said, "This is fucking too much", eh?
CLIVE:
..... Don't you fucking 'Aaaghh' me!"
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And I really kicked his ear in, you know.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
Bunged him right in the ear with the left boot.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And, d'you know he still had the audacity to come out with, "Hugh-eugh-ugh-eugh-ugh I'm dying!" Well, what could I say to that? I just walked away. I left the situation. I wasn't going to be, you know, put upon in that way.
DEREK:
You weren't going to be dictacted to, were you?
CLIVE:
Well, no, why should I be dictated to?
DEREK:
No, exactly, no.
CLIVE:
By some cunt who says 'euuughh!'
DEREK:
Yeah, preceding it with 'hello'!
CLIVE:
Yeah. 'Hello' was the worst thing, that's what got me going.
DEREK:
Fucking cunt, yeah, what a cunt.
CLIVE:
What a cunt, eh?



RIP Peter Cook and Dudley Moore

[stonegatherer]

I lasted about one week at McDonalds ....

[SykkBoy]

Paper stuffer
I manually inserted print ads into section B of the paper and then took the stuffed B sections and shoved them into the main section.
Minimum wage and ended up going home each night covered in printer's ink

[hennessy]

Three weeks at burger king as fry boy. Problem was, I was harassed by the employees cause I started in on Onion rings/frys. Most people started with mopping and sweeping the floors. Elvey was the guy who was pissed cause I started right in on the fries.

Shitty job

[Evil Chris]

Nick, where can I get an audio version of that?

I can't talk about the worst job I had, it makes me cry, but I took the fucker to court and won, and there is about 15 others suing him too....

[Gruntled]

Delivering and cleaning porta-johns. there are some nasty people out there in the public. especially at outdoor events. They get all kinds of sick, make a huge mess.... it takes a special person to do that job for very long. I'm not that damned special.

[DonMike]

Ah, Jayne Mansfield. She was a lovely woman... until she lost her head.

Siouxsie and the Banshees have a song about her, called "Kiss Them For Me".

On the road to New Orleans
A spray of stars hit the screen
As the tenth impact shimmered
The forbidden candles gleamed

Kiss them for me... I may be delayed

[MorganGrayson]

Nick...I adored Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. I had a crush on Peter Cook, in fact.

DonMike...Thank you, darling.
I can't claim anything special. It comes rather automatically to me. I remember once getting off a bus with a black woman, who had been on the receiving end of a blatantly racist moment by the bus driver, who turned to me wide-eyed once we were off and said "do you even believe that just happened???" (No, frankly. I had trouble with it and I sat and watched the whole thing.) I realized at that moment that the obsessively pale skinned me must give off some kind of a vibe. I also have a very expressive face, and sat there through the whole thing with my jaw dropped, no doubt. Her immediate assumption that I wasn't a racist looms as one of the better compliments I've ever gotten, though. I glowed for a while.
Those were rough times in Louisville. People - in the loosest sense of the word - would actually stand on corners with signs that said "Honk of you're against busing." Now, one had a decision to make at those moments. Does one honk and violate one's ethics or does one glare at the assholes and risk a brick through the windshield. (That actually happened, and more than once.) I glared and hoped I could duck in time should the worst happen, which thankfully, it never did. I'm certain that if the worst had happened, I would have panicked, lost control of my car, and mowed the fuckers down.

[Nickatilynx]

I'm actually happy that this isn't a long post full of...

"Worst job? Working for Nickatilynx"

;-))

EvilChris ,

http://www.backpacknuke.com/derek.and.clive/

[Lutz Meyerding]

i never had a bad job i was a banker, professional show jumper, friend of donald trump, and now professional webcam studio owner

[geck0]

Concreting - horrible job!

nothing beats working online