Funny english signs from waround the world

[_ED]

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an "E"
for Effort.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you
are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when
lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for
wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should
press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically
by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office
between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is
the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian
and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the
corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope
for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red
beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck
let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

[LoGiCs_oF_NaThOkA]

On almost all the major roads of my town, Multan, Pakistan, by the police, requesting people to fight crime together with them:

LETS FIGHT
TO GET HER

[Mister X]

Haha. Some excellently pleasuring inducers of facial reconfuguration. You are to be thanked for causing this condition.

[Jenny]

some more:

In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.

In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.

On military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel

On a bar: Our customers enter optimistically and leave misty optically.

In an appliance store window: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work.

In a clothing store: Bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks

In the window of a general store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come right here?

In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends

On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak

On a Tennessee highway: Take notice, when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.



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English Language Blunders

Italian Hotel Brochure: This hotel is renowned for its piece and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.

Rome hotel: Fire! It is what can doing, we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire to come out.

Polish Tourist Brochure: As for the tripes serves you at the Hotel Monopol, you will be singing its praise to your children as you lie on your deathbed.

French Hotel: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trouser.

French Restaurant Menu: Extract of fowl, peached or sunnyside up.

French Swimming Pool: Swimming is forbidden in absence of the Savior.

Spanish Hotel Ad: The provision of a large French widow in every room adds to the visitors comfort.

Madrid Restaurant Menu: Tarts of the house.

Madrid Hotel: Peoples will left the room at midday of tomorrow in place of not which will be more money for hole day.

Athens Restaurant Menu: Chopped cow with a wire through it. *Bowels in sauce** *shish-kebab **tripe

On the Box of a Clockwork Toy Made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

[Juge]

Ha ha ha ha, those are great.

Very very good! ahahahaha.

[wsjb78]

Originally posted by _ED
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

That's just a word by word translation but it doesn't make any sense in English... well, not too much sense...

wsjb78

[Juge]

Some more:

Cocktail lounge, Norway:

"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."


At a Budapest zoo:

"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY."


Doctors office, Rome:

"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."


Hotel, Acapulco:

"THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE."


Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:

"COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF."


Car rental brochure, Tokyo:

"WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR."


Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:

"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."


Sign in men's rest room in Japan:

"TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT." (meaning stopcock of course)


In a Nairobi restaurant:

"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."


On the grounds of a private school:

"NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION."


On an Athi River highway:

"TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."


On a poster at Kencom:

"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."


In a City restaurant:

"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."


One of the Mathare buildings:

"MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE."


A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:

"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."


In a Pumwani maternity ward:

"NO CHILDREN ALLOWED."


In a cemetery:

"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."


Sign in Japanese public bath:

"FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB." (meaning stop-cock)


Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:

"GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED."


Hotel notice, Tokyo:

"IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO HAD NOTIS."


On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."


In a Tokyo bar:

"THIS BAR SERVES SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS."


In a Bangkok temple:

"IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN."


Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:

"PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM."


Hotel brochure, Italy:

"THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE."


Hotel lobby, Bucharest:

"THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE."


Hotel elevator, Paris:

"PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK."


Hotel, Yugoslavia:

"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."


Hotel, Japan:

"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."


In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."


Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:

"NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION."


Taken from a menu, Poland:

"SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION."


Supermarket, Hong Kong:

"FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE."


From the "Soviet Weekly":

"THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS."


In an East African newspaper:

"A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS."


Hotel, Vienna:

"IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER."


A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

"IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."


Hotel, Zurich:

"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE."


An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

"TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS."


A laundry in Rome:

"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."


Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:

"TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES."


Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"


In the window on a Swedish furrier:

"FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN."


On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:

"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."


In a Swiss mountain inn:

"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM."


Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:

"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."


On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

"IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT."