Things I have Learned from Porn ...

[BoardGoerge]

These must be true, because they are shown in every porn movies.

The thirty things I have learned about love by watching porn...

1 Women wear high heels to bed
2. Men are never impotent
3. When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory
4. If a woman is caught masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle aged men
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob
8. Women always have orgasm when men do
9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding ticket
10. All women are noisy cummers
12. Those tits are real
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt
14. Men always groan "oh Yes" when they cum
15. If there is two of them, they high five each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted)
16. Double penetration makes women smile
17. Asian men don't exist
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't beat the shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth
19. there's a plot
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks
22. Men always pull out
23. When your girlfriend busts you for getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking you both
24. Women never have headaches, or periods
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to suck it
26. Assholes are clean
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all concerned
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head, and the other proudly on his hip
30. Dorky guys never have to beg.

Of course, there is one final lesson not included above. Why are porn movies always about people I will never meet, doing things I will never do?

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit...what a ride!"