You know you're a Montrealer when...

[Kenny B]

Someone sent me this list and I found it cute so here ya go...
You know you're from Mtl. when...



You pronounce it “Muntreal”, not “Mahntreal”.
You have ever said anything like “I have to stop at the guichet before we get to the dep.”
You can watch soft-core porn on broadcast TV, and this has been true for at least 25 years.
You show up at a party at 11 p.m. and no one else is there yet.
You have yet to understand a single announcement made on the Metro PA system, no matter what the language.
Your only concern about jaywalking is getting a ticket.
You understand and frequently use terms like unilingual, anglophone, francophone, and allophone.
You agree that Montreal drivers are crazy, but you're secretly proud of their nerves of steel.
You have to bring smoked meat from Schwartz's and bagels from St-Viateur if you're visiting anyone west of Cornwall.
You refer to Tremblant as "up North."
You know how to pronounce Pie IX.
You have an ancient auntie who still says "Saint Dennis".
You believe to the depth of your very being that Toronto has no soul, but your high school reunion is held in Toronto because most of your classmates live there now.
You greet everyone, from lifelong bosom friends to some one you met once a few years ago, with a two-cheek kiss.
You know at least one person who used to work for Nortel.
You're not impressed with hardwood floors.
You've been hearing Celine Dion jokes longer than anyone else.
You cringe when Bob Cole pronounces French hockey player names.
You were drinking cafe-au-lait before it was latte.
You order fries 'with sauce', not 'with gravy'.
Shopper's Drug Mart is Pharmaprix and Staples is Bureau en Gros, and PFK is finger lickin' good.
You really believe Just For Laughs is an international festival.
For two weeks a year, you are a jazz aficionado.
You need to be reminded by prominent signage that you should wait for the green light.
Everyone on the street - drivers, pedestrians, and cyclists think they're immortal, and that you'll move first.
You're proud that Montreal is the home of Pierre Trudeau, Mordechai Richler, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and the Great Antonio
And…

You know that Rocket Richard had nothing to do with astrophysics.
You've seen Brother Andre's heart.
No matter how bilingual you are, you still don't understand "ile aux tourtes."
You know the difference between the SQ, the SAQ, and the SAAQ.
You measure temperature and distance in metric, but weight and height in Imperial measure.
You know that Montreal is responsible for introducing the following to North America: bagels, souvlaki, smoked meat and Supertramp. Also, Chris de Burgh.
You don't drink pop or soda, you drink soft drinks.
There has to be at least 30cm of snow on the ground in less than 24 hours for you to consider it too snowy to drive.
You remember where you were during the Ice Storm.
You used to be an Expos fan, but now all you really miss is Youppi.
You're a Habs fan; always was, always will be...
You don't understand anyone from Lac-St-Jean, but you can fake the accent.
You discuss potholes like most people discuss weather.
You encounter bilingual homeless people.
You find it amusing when people from outside Quebec compliment you on how good your English is.
You don't find American comedians speaking "gibberish" French even remotely funny.
You don't find it weird that there's a strip club on every corner downtown.
You like your pizza all-dressed
Cosmos for breakfast on Sundays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You hate Montréal Italians! But realize St. Leonard Italians are worse than LaSalle Italians.
You know that all Leafs fans have herpes.
And you won't mind forwarding this in English even though you're probably a francophone!