Things I have Learned from Porn ...

BoardGoerge · 03-06-2007, 11:07 PM

These must be true, because they are shown in every porn movies.

The thirty things I have learned about love by watching porn...

1 Women wear high heels to bed
2. Men are never impotent
3. When going down on a woman, 10 seconds is more than satisfactory
4. If a woman is caught masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle aged men
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob
8. Women always have orgasm when men do
9. A blowjob will always get a woman out of a speeding ticket
10. All women are noisy cummers
12. Those tits are real
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt
14. Men always groan "oh Yes" when they cum
15. If there is two of them, they high five each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted)
16. Double penetration makes women smile
17. Asian men don't exist
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't beat the shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth
19. there's a plot
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite her by giving her a gentle slap on the butt
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks
22. Men always pull out
23. When your girlfriend busts you for getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking you both
24. Women never have headaches, or periods
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to suck it
26. Assholes are clean
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all concerned
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head, and the other proudly on his hip
30. Dorky guys never have to beg.

Of course, there is one final lesson not included above. Why are porn movies always about people I will never meet, doing things I will never do?

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "...holy shit...what a ride!"

TheLegacy · 03-07-2007, 10:57 AM

you need to stop going to hotel rooms and paying for porn - check out our content and you will have a whole new list LOL

lulu · 03-07-2007, 02:11 PM

rofl. thanks BG.

spideriux · 03-07-2007, 05:02 PM

hehe nice list

Funbrunette · 03-07-2007, 08:27 PM

You got some pretty good one's in there! Still looking for the asian stunt cock...lol

Cold_ice · 03-07-2007, 11:35 PM

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks

This should be part of treatment.

qUeenBeE · 03-08-2007, 12:45 AM

lol.. great list, man!

Vid Vicious · 03-08-2007, 10:38 AM

Pizza delivery man .. is the best job in the world

godiva · 03-10-2007, 11:02 AM

it takes the men at least half an hour before cumming...
while it only takes 5 mins for me...hehehe

Cyndalie · 03-10-2007, 09:32 PM

There's a plot for this?

beckie · 03-12-2007, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vid Vicious

Pizza delivery man .. is the best job in the world

Don't forget the cable guy - always laying cable.

Trouble Tonya · 03-13-2007, 04:04 PM

Thats a fantastic list indeed. I knew most of those things..but this one... "16. Double penetration makes women smile" Thats news to me.

wildgirl · 03-14-2007, 11:45 AM

that's a long list

student4ever · 03-14-2007, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cold_ice

21. Nurses suck patient's cocks

This should be part of treatment.

of course, you have to have the right insurance...

Two men sharing a room in the local hospital are scheduled for surgery. Both are having prostrate problems.

The nurse arrives to do her duties as ordered.

The first man gets prep’d, recieves a happy shot and to his delight the nurse reaches below his sheets and grabs ahold of his shaft; as she starts to stroke him gently, the man says "Hey what is this? Not that I mind, I’m just alittle curious? Doc didn’t mention a handjob?"

The nurse instructed him to relax and enjoy. It was normal procedure to make sure there was no sperm present when the procedure was being carried out.

The man did as he was told and shortly there after reached climax and laid back with a smile on his face.

Watching the nurse as she continued on her duties making ready the next patient. First a shave, then a shot and then instead of the reaching under the roomates sheets, she pulled them back and began what appeared to be one hell of a good blowjob...

"Wait just a minute" he protested "why does he get a blowjob? We’re having the same operation"

The nurse, removing the alread rigid cock from her mouth stated "That sir, is the difference between Blue Cross and the HMO"

Evil Chris · 03-14-2007, 02:07 PM

aaahahahaha..... that's beautiful!!