Hitting on models and female employees at shows

[Evil Chris]

OK I read a little something about this on another board, and quite honestly I found it to be completely a non-issue for me, but I thought it was worth asking here. Also, we have a lot of ladies on XNations, and I wanted to get their feelings on it as well.

The question was if you are bringing a female (model or employee) to a show/convention with you, should you monitor who is hitting on her and chaperone her or lay down rules that say she can't go off and get lucky or spend intimate time with someone else?

[Ronaldo]

Thievin' bastard!

I'm torn on the issue. I do think the person bringing the model/employee have some sort of responsibility to ensure their safety, but that being said, because they're adults, you do have to allow them their space.

[Trixxxia]

I personally think it all depends on who the person is. Do they have a tendancy to put themselves into situations where they have to say no? Have they gotten out of those situations unscathed?
If you're bringing someone new to a show, they should really get the worst case scenario laid out to them.

If you are bringing someone to represent you that is new to the industry or has never been in 'this' crowd, then I think there is a certain responsibility on their safety - and if you can't get through to them, then let them be warned of all the worst case scenarios.

It's much simpler to bring a guy along - he can get laid all he wants and you won't have to worry about him LMAO

**sounds chauvanistic huh?

[happypeekers]

If they show up on time for work when you need them.. I would let them run free.. with tons of business cards and decked out in clothing with my logo on it lol

on the other hand.. if you dont want to lose her you might want to keep her close

[Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by happypeekers

If they show up on time for work when you need them.. I would let them run free.. with tons of business cards and decked out in clothing with my logo on it lol

on the other hand.. if you dont want to lose her you might want to keep her close

Surely I'm not the only one that knows of the NOW popular, THEN newbie company rep who's drink was drugged about 3 years ago. Would you want them to run free and run the risk of that happening? I don't think I could live with myself if something like that happened to someone I brought to a show.

[happypeekers]

Originally Posted by Ronaldo

Surely I'm not the only one that knows of the NOW popular, THEN newbie company rep who's drink was drugged about 3 years ago. Would you want them to run free and run the risk of that happening? I don't think I could live with myself if something like that happened to someone I brought to a show.

I am not familiar with that story but I agree with you in that way as well .. you will lose her that way

[Evil Chris]

Ron, you could live with yourself. Something like that wouldn't be your fault despite you feeling bad for the person. It's just my opinion that people are supposed to be responsible adults.

Just because they got on an airplane with you doesn't mean you're their Daddy.

[Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by Evil Chris

Ron, you could live with yourself. Something like that wouldn't be your fault despite you feeling bad for the person. It's just my opinion that people are supposed to be responsible adults.

Just because they got on an airplane with you doesn't mean you're their Daddy.

A lady at a bar with a group of her industry "Peers" gets her drink drugged...I don't think SHE'S being irresponsible. Thankfully in the case I mentioned, her employers WERE right there so nothing happened. But what if they weren't? Something may have happened and I wouldn't blame her in the least for being irresponsible. There's some fucked up people out there man, and sadly some of them reside within our industry. BECAUSE I know that, yeah, I'd always feel responsible.

[RageCash-Ben]

If a person,male or female, is being paid to attend any function then they should act professionally.

Thats my 2 cents worth.

[Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by RageCash-Ben

If a person,male or female, is being paid to attend any function then they should act professionally.

Thats my 2 cents worth.

???

And acting professionally means what exactly? You're expected to network amongst a group of often drunk strangers. Someone could be drinking OJ all night long and still end up with a drugged drink and in a compromising position.

If they're drunk and go off with someone of their own volition, that's one thing. They put themselves in that position...sort of. We were all newbies at one point experiencing the excitement of our first show with the booze a flowin'. Neither you or I are a hot 18 year old model though that would have to worry about that.

Oh, and if they're pissed and flashing their boobs is THAT professional? But I'd almost wager that if it brought in a couple of traffic whales, most programs would send that rep to as many shows as possible. Profit over professionalism??

[RageCash-Ben]

Maybe by acting professional I meant doing whatever it is they are being paid to do.

[Panky]

I've been hit on at shows and miscellaneous webmaster events. I'm not 18 anymore and I'm not model perfect. However, I am a woman in this industry. Getting hit on, grabbed, and/or spoken to as if we are somehow inferior to many males in this industry is part of the territory. Right or wrong, it's come to be expected. It's how one chooses to deal with a situation that makes the difference. A negative situation can turn into a positive one if a person knows how to handle themselves. It is just something that is learned. Sure speaking to someone, warning them, giving them the heads up, can minimize or avoid any potential unfortunate or uncomfortable situations, but in the end, the woman has to learn to stand on her own two feet.

If a naive 18 year old is attending the shows and really doesn't have full comprehension of the various types of men and women in this industry, one option is to pair her up with an older model or woman who has webmaster event experience. One who knows how to work a show at the same time being able to leave a positive impression on potential business deals. This responsible woman can show her the ropes better than any man could do. The men are there when needed should a situation get out of hand, but having another woman show someone inexperienced the ropes, it allows the men to be free to conduct their business man to man, revisit possible deals, or just simply be guys. It also opens the doors to more exposure and potential business because some men can easily intimidate other men whether they try to or not. Many male webmasters sometimes find talking to females, especially if they give the impression they are approachable, a little easier than talking to another male. Also if there are female webmasters or solo models looking to get into the industry around, they may feel more comfortable chatting with another female, versus breaking into and holding their own in a male dominated industry.

Women need to be responsible for their own actions. They can be warned and watched over, but that only does so much. In the end, she is going to make decisions. She has to do this in every day life whether she is at a webmaster event or not. A woman has to learn that there is a time to "be cute", a time to party, and a time to cut the BS and act like a responsible, professional business person. The adult industry is a business first and foremost.

When companies invite men and/or women to attend the show, speak to your employees about what your expectations of them are. Make it very clear as to what is deemed acceptable and unacceptable behavior and the consequences should their behavior be unacceptable. Always send a responsible veteran with someone who has less experience. If you've got models or new reps, always pair them with another responsible female with experience. Don't let the inexperienced ones fly solo until you are confident that they can handle themselves and still be able to leave a positive impression of the company.

One can't keep watch 24/7, nor should they because these women are still adults regardless if they are naive or not. But, there are things that can be done that can help minimize any potential problems. Let her know you are there, but don't smother her. She's an adult, not a teenager.

[Jimmidean]

Well I think you have to look out for those you bring.
If they are new and not well versed on what goes on I feel you need to look out for them.
As I only bring my wife I always look out for her, luckily we have a lot of friends in this industry who do the same.
I will say we have had a couple of scary incidents I wont go into with a few slimballs that came very close to loosing the lives.
There are a select few that think women in this industry are open season at webmaster events, It is up to the rest of us to correct them and step in when needed.

[Sheri Santiago]

I've taken several of our solo girls to shows. I won't let them go far. They are on my dime, they stick with me. Far too many times I have had drunken guys try to take them to their rooms, bribe them with the promise of weed, pills, whatever...or try to get the girl to do a site with them instead.

[Porn Girl]

I think that at the first 2 shows that you should stick together regardless so that the model or sales rep can meet some people that you know. Once she gets to know some people and has shown she is responsible at the shows, then I would leave her alone. Call it a training period!!!

[aimeesweet]

You should definitely look out for the people you bring with you to shows, whether male or female. I especially see it as important when the person is new to the industry as there is a lot of alcohol fueling the activities. Although a guy is less likely to be hit on and taken advantage of then a female, you don't want your male employee acting inappropriately to any of the females who are attending the show. Just as you do not want your cute female employee man-handled etc, you wouldn't want your new male employee to grope any females either...

So like Porn Girl said, maybe a "training period" is a good idea

[Syl]

So far I haven't had any problems with being hit on to the point where I can't handle it myself. As others have said it depends on the person. I definitely don't think shows are the place to be hooking up, since shows are supposed to be business oriented, but it's really not up to me to say what someone else should do at a show. To each their own, but everyone should just be aware of the consequences their actions will have on their reputation in the industry and possibly with their future employment.

[JackieB]

The training period, is a good idea and makes sense all round. Keep them close and brief them on there role. It's a job. One year Allen and I couldn't go so we sent Maura instead, although she had attended shows with me here in Vancouver, she had also worked as talent, she knew how to handle herself. I think she even arranged a naked hot Tub Party I would not have sent someone who had only worked me for a matter of weeks, and had never worked in the industry before on her own. I wouldn't be able to look out for them.

You have to know your people. Because after 12 years in the business I do know the industry!

Jackie B
ICQ 17626018
www.masktv.com

[punker barbie]

to a certain degree it is the models job to be a bit flirtatious with webmasters and fans. however some take it too far and feel just because the model gets naked on the net they are entitled to be very touchy. models should be able to have their space from a distance and depending on the situation they might need to be watched a bit closer.

as for female reps they should know better when someone is flirting/wasting your time instead of talking up biz. granted if being pretty gets you in the door to get what you want (in my case i drive for traffic) then I'll take it, but one has to remember being cute or whatever only gets you in the door doesn't make you stay. at the end of the day we all have bills to pay and i better make their traffic convert.
in addition the worst is the icq flirter that takes up all your time. i call those the high maintenance low traffic affiliate.

with every situation is different i guess what I'm trying to get across is not to forget what you are there for and female reps should be able to stand up to anyone that is making them feel uncomfortable.

[TheLegacy]

Thankfully SheDevil is a very strong woman so that if any "new" webmaster or rep even begins to hit on her she is seasoned enough to put them in their place fast. In all the years I can't remember ever hitting on anyone mostly because it's not professional and it would ruin my reputation fast. Just seen so many guys get ruined and fired because they took it too far that I don't even want that as an option.

I have been tempted a few times - just always try and remember, there's a time to play and a time to work - conventions are a time to work.

[Evil Chris]

Some great replies from some very strong women in our industry!

[B O B]

I think this goes for any industry, not just ours.

I remember going to Bar and Nightclub conventions. The only difference between the two shows is you get laid much more at the Bar conventions...

[Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by B O B

I think this goes for any industry, not just ours.

I remember going to Bar and Nightclub conventions. The only difference between the two shows is you get laid much more at the Bar conventions...

lol, I always crack up when I ask the hotel staff how the show is going for them. Inevitably the reply is always, "You guys are boring. I was expecting more."

[Trouble Tonya]

I have to agree that if you are taking someone brand new to the industry they need to know what to expect, as well as what is to be expected of them.

Just because a girl is content, does not mean shes free for the groping of every drunk bastard in the room. I'm a strong female and I have to say there is certainly a way to behave and a way NOT to behave.

So far I think I've done pretty good. I only grope the girls that ask me to but allow them to grope me in return cuz ya know..turn abouts fair play.

In all seriousness things like this is how this industry gets a bad rap! Be good and mind your manners. The end!

[Ellisa]

In our business there are several things that will come into play at shows whether you choose to partake in it or not: drugs, hookers, parties, nudity.

As a business owner you should not bring someone to a show that is not aware of these possibilities. You would also do yourself well to let them know your personal point of view on the subject.

There are lots of relationships in this business that have been solidified with less than orthodox methods of friendship building. So as an employer you sort of have to decide with what you are comfortable with happening on your dime and set boundaries for your employee that way (male or female).

Now if you happen to see your employees being harassed in an obvious manner by all means say something to help them but do not harass them for talking to boys as 90% of the webmasters in this industry are boys so the fact is they may have to talk to them. An employer of mine once “rescued” me from talking to a huge traffic guy and he would never do business with me and that employer as he was so insulted by the situation… so do be careful when you choose to be a knight in shining armor that it is in fact warranted.

I think overall if you look at the successful women in this business you will see one very common character thread amongst us all and that is that we are all very strong personalities and can look after ourselves. So if you are bringing women into adult that is a trait that you should look for.

After all if you are merely acting as a babysitter why bother paying to have an employee at a show? How are you supposed to get your own work accomplished?

[Rania]

Originally Posted by Ellisa

In our business there are several things that will come into play at shows whether you choose to partake in it or not: drugs, hookers, parties, nudity.

As a business owner you should not bring someone to a show that is not aware of these possibilities. You would also do yourself well to let them know your personal point of view on the subject.

There are lots of relationships in this business that have been solidified with less than orthodox methods of friendship building. So as an employer you sort of have to decide with what you are comfortable with happening on your dime and set boundaries for your employee that way (male or female).

Now if you happen to see your employees being harassed in an obvious manner by all means say something to help them but do not harass them for talking to boys as 90% of the webmasters in this industry are boys so the fact is they may have to talk to them. An employer of mine once “rescued” me from talking to a huge traffic guy and he would never do business with me and that employer as he was so insulted by the situation… so do be careful when you choose to be a knight in shining armor that it is in fact warranted.

I think overall if you look at the successful women in this business you will see one very common character thread amongst us all and that is that we are all very strong personalities and can look after ourselves. So if you are bringing women into adult that is a trait that you should look for.

After all if you are merely acting as a babysitter why bother paying to have an employee at a show? How are you supposed to get your own work accomplished?

Very well said.

[LeslieSharp]

Originally Posted by aimeesweet

You should definitely look out for the people you bring with you to shows, whether male or female. I especially see it as important when the person is new to the industry as there is a lot of alcohol fueling the activities. Although a guy is less likely to be hit on and taken advantage of then a female, you don't want your male employee acting inappropriately to any of the females who are attending the show. Just as you do not want your cute female employee man-handled etc, you wouldn't want your new male employee to grope any females either...

So like Porn Girl said, maybe a "training period" is a good idea

I have to agree with Aimee...

Personally I enjoy harmless flirtation and I think most of the fun folks in this industry do as well. I think it is key to make sure new people realize that just because someone is having fun flirting with you doesn't mean they're trying to schtoop you that night... Although some might be...

Wisdom is the ability to know the difference and walk away from the situation without hurting anyone's feelings, being offended, or offensive.... OR MOLESTED!

xoxo
Leslie

[Funbrunette]

In my opinion our industry isn't that much different than any others. How you conduct yourself at a show strongly represents who you are and what your ethics are. If you want to be taken seriously it's important that you command respect (and that can be done while being naked...) With that said it's perfectly important to keep it fun. Nothing wrong with a little flirting and "pawing" here and there. I've met some wonderful people over the years and I've partied like rockstar all while knowing I was with people I knew and could trust.

The minute I stop to have fun at a show is the minute I know I am no longer in the right field of work.

Nice yo see some of you here at Xnations!

[Relentless]

Evil Chris, if this is all an elaborate way of asking if I get offended when you hit on me at shows... don't worry about it. I just laugh it off.

[Slippery]

Originally Posted by Ellisa

In our business there are several things that will come into play at shows whether you choose to partake in it or not: drugs, hookers, parties, nudity.

As a business owner you should not bring someone to a show that is not aware of these possibilities. You would also do yourself well to let them know your personal point of view on the subject.

There are lots of relationships in this business that have been solidified with less than orthodox methods of friendship building. So as an employer you sort of have to decide with what you are comfortable with happening on your dime and set boundaries for your employee that way (male or female).

Now if you happen to see your employees being harassed in an obvious manner by all means say something to help them but do not harass them for talking to boys as 90% of the webmasters in this industry are boys so the fact is they may have to talk to them. An employer of mine once “rescued” me from talking to a huge traffic guy and he would never do business with me and that employer as he was so insulted by the situation… so do be careful when you choose to be a knight in shining armor that it is in fact warranted.

I think overall if you look at the successful women in this business you will see one very common character thread amongst us all and that is that we are all very strong personalities and can look after ourselves. So if you are bringing women into adult that is a trait that you should look for.

After all if you are merely acting as a babysitter why bother paying to have an employee at a show? How are you supposed to get your own work accomplished?

Wow that was really well put!