Double Standard? YOU decide!

[Funbrunette]

This guy works in porn right and he meets this girl (she's not in the biz when they first meet) eventually she gets in on the marketing side and becomes quite good at it. Then she gets bored and decides she wants to have her own site a burlesque site (think Dita Von Teese) no nudity, nothing vulgar just something she's always wanted to do. Mean while she's got VERY sexy pictures of herself on her myspace that HE took and knows are there, but when she takes the step to hire a photographer and get going with the projects he's very unhappy?!? Am I missing something here?

You want drama HERE IT IS DAMNIT!

I'm 31 and I've ALWAYS gotten my way when I set my heart on something just try and stop me now!!!!!!!!

[TheLegacy]

well this is going to be interesting. dont ask me to get in the middle of a dispute

[Stephane76]

SIG SPOT !!!!!!!!!

[Rochard]

"Oh you look like a movie star... with your face down on the bar....."

I'd hit it.

Is it a double standard? I believe it is. In this case the "husband" has no problems pushing porn or perhaps even shooting it, but when it comes to his wife the answer is no.

That's too bad really.

[TheLegacy]

does hiring a photographer really matter all that much? the joy of sites is that alot of members prefer to NOT have such professional pictures taken. and since he is in the industry, he also would have a good eye as to what is good and not. this isn't worth the relationship and could ultimately curse you for years down the road.

start off by letting him take the pictures etc. then in time - if he doesn't improve, he may suggest a photographer he knows - or simply start going to classes. as much as this might upset you - this is the point in a relationship where one will becomes stronger than the other, and feelings get hurt... as does trust. give him time to adjust to your decision - and ask yourself - is it that important that it may upset and ruin a wonderful relationship?

[Visualad]

Is this story about you or what?

[Visualad]

you want to do the fabia for the camera? showing ze hairy pussy? ze nipplez too? tell daddy..

[Ronaldo]

The woman should listen to the man. End of story.

[SykkBoy]

double standard

[TheEnforcer]

I plead the 5th.

[Platinum Chris]

There needs to be a popcorn smiley available for drama threads such as these.

[GoodChris]

I don't consider it a double standard.

Had he met a girl that was already in the business with a site and then asked her to stop doing it, then I would consider that a double standard however this does not appear to be the case.

[Evil Chris]

My nemesis Good Chris does have a point.

But I say live and let live. If it feels good then just do it!

[Cyndalie]

Seems you should know enough good photographers in the business to trust to work with and display your loved one in her best light. Utilize your resources and work together. Before you objectify your own beauty understand that your man, while proud of you, may feel insecure about sharing you with 'just anyone' and especially 'everyone'. A few sexy pics shared with friends is a long way away from commercializing your own hotness for the oggling and enjoyment of everyone.

Be it as it may, sharing in confidence and security and watching your woman glow takes an ounce of bravery and a pound of trust. She is yours, a camera, an audience, an outfit or lack of one, won't change that. Hold her down, she'll fight to be free. Set her free and she wont go far without you by her side.

[GoodChris]

Being in front of the camera and behind the camera are 2 very different things.

[Jimmidean]

Sitting quietly on the sidelines with this one.

[kaimai]

Ok I am confused here??? I thought the dude was going to be Evil Chris but it appears to be someone else??

Not the little fella is it?

[Sarah_MaxCash]

never fight via the boards

[Funbrunette]

Originally Posted by Sarah_MaxCash

never fight via the boards

Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.

End of story. Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol

[Visualad]

Originally Posted by Funbrunette

Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.

End of story. Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol

now.. was that such a hard thing to say?

you had ppl guessing who the man was.. ;-) haha.

cmon chris.. Let the girl do what she wants.. Burlesque doesnt sound nasty in anyway.. :-)

[TheLegacy]

Originally Posted by Funbrunette

Were not really fighting, it's quite simple I want my own burlesque site and Chris is uncomfortable with it period. Not sure why when I have lot's of revealing pictures on myspace.

End of story. Geez wasn't that much drama was it? lol

I think that I have a unique perspective on this since as you know shedevil my wife has her own site

It did take alot for me to come to terms with it - the whole idea of her professional life may be affected etc etc.

Here is what the net out is:

for the guy

- you have to realize that your wife is not doing it for any other reason other than to feel beautiful about herself and at times to earn a wee bit of money. NO your not loosing your control or 'word' when you compliment her, just women at times need to hear it from others... and seeing yourself up in lights really helps the ego and self confidence.

- trust is really put to the test here. Why shes doing it doesn't seem to register to you because most men don't have the same self opinion - but believe me, she isn't fooling around nor will accept advances from anyone else.

- there are times that women will merely fight just to see how far you will let them go. the minute she feels fenced in - she is going to fight. give her the space she needs to let this out, or she will feel that you held her back for years and that will put a wedge between you.

- finally, and take it from someone who has a wife as well that everyone is all over at conventions and icq's etc., lighten up on the strings. Trust her that she isn't going to do anything to demean you or ruin the faith and trust you have put in her. I smile and watch shedevil been gropped and talked about knowing that she is coming home with me LOL... also she knows when to stop and knows when I can be upset.

for the woman

- when during the entire time you knew of men did you think that they gained to power to know what your thinking? or even more - your motives? Saying you want to do something he immediately puts himself into your shoes coming from a males perspective - which is wrong most of the time. case in point - whistling at women while driving (men thinks a woman is feeling, "please stop I so want you now") try to express exactly your vulnerabilities and set up ways for him to feel in control. You already know that to be a man - a man must feel respect and in control. take that away and you've taken the man away. disrespect him and he will start regretting every minute with you. Its a careful balance but it can be accomplished. Open up and explain to him exactly what your thinking - try to stop him from attempting to "fix" it as he will try and do. He can't fix emotions and self worth even though he may feel this is a silly attempt.

- men rarely trust men. although you may have pictures up on sites etc. there apparently is a line that was crossed that neither one of you talked about. reaching out to a photographer says to the man, "you aren't as good as another man". I know it sounds silly, but now there is competition and disrespect happening. Men are protective most of the time of their wifes... and especially in an adult industry - there is safety and confidence in having a beautiful woman by your side promoting him. You have now taken that focus off and started on yourself. As important as you may feel to have others admire you - he needs you to admire him.

women need attention and to feel better about themselves - even if they get it from home all the time. the idea is, "well you do of course your my husband".. but its part of their sexual makeup. Men not as much - they need to feel respect, trust and honored by their wife. take that away and you take away the man. try and find a tender balance.

nothing, and I mean nothing including a website is more important than a marriage and the love - faith and trust between the two. Smear it and it will have a ripple effect for years to come.

I love my wife - deeply. Enough to let her go free and try her website. Yes we have certain limits - most which she hates with a passion, but she is respectful enough not to push the boundaries that will ultimately affect how we love one another in day to day life. I on the other hand try and understand that although she loves me and needs me - she will need the attention that most women require to feel desirable. Who am I to stop that process? There has to be a mutual respect, trust in all things, and at times it means sacrifice on both parts to come to a happy compromise.

Good luck

[Janell]

Originally Posted by Ronaldo

The woman should listen to the man. End of story.

So they can get bad advice? Umm no thanks.

[She Devil]

Double Standard. period.

But then you are stuck in a very similar situation as I am. My hubby has hesidently said 'ok' to some things with many arguements about it. I think it's a double standard because if the guys really wanted to do something I believe we'd be jealous but more open to explore it.

I don't believe humans are monogamous. There are so many things you could explore if you let yourself. Some can be with just one person and that's great, but for the majority we crave more.

There are many things I want to do that I 'can't' do and I do hold a huge resentment because of that, and know parts of me will never be satisfied while I am in this relationship. I know he's trying to 'protect' me for his many reasons (which I don't belittle), but I don't need his protecting I need his support. Many of you have probably heard me say 'my hubby won't let me' when responding to certain things and that's because as much as I'd love to I need to make this relationship work before anything else.

Sometimes I wish my hubby and I was never in the adult industry to be frank. For me the industry shows me things I'd love to do and explore. For him he seems to become more protective of me. Needless to say it's the same whereas he was in the industry while I was not when we met, so go figure.

Really priorities need to be set in order. Realise what is the most important and realise some tough decisions sometimes need to be made. Either way there are many outcomes. Either she's going to do it with him. She's going to do it without him. She won't do it and resent him for it.

[Janell]

Marriage is full of sacrifices. There are boundaries in a commitment both collectively and individually. Stepping outside those boundaries have consequences some maybe good and others not so much. I guess it's a matter of deciding if you want to live with the consequences.

[Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by Janell

So they can get bad advice? Umm no thanks.

Know your role woman. Know your role.

[Janell]

Originally Posted by Ronaldo

Know your role woman. Know your role.

I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you.
I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry.
'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right".
I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home.

What I say goes around here! ... right out the window.
And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up.
The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear.
'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head.

And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want.
'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important.
And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry.
I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around.

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble.
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch.
Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to.
Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!

[Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by Janell

I don't take no crap from anybody! ... else but you.
I wear the pants around here!...when I'm finished with your laundry.
'Cause I'm a guy you don't want to fight! ... when I say "jump" you say "yeah, right".
I'm the man of this house! ... until you get home.

What I say goes around here! ... right out the window.
And I don't want to hear a lot of whining! ... so I'll shut up.
The sooner you learn who's boss around here! ... the sooner you can give me my orders, dear.
'Cause I am the head honcho! ... but it's all in my head.

And I can have sex anytime! ... that you want.
'Cause I'm a man who has needs! ... but they're not that important.
And don't expect any flowers from me! ... because if I'm not mistaken you prefer jewelry.
I'm the king of my castle! ... when you're not around.

And I'll drink and watch sports whenever I want! ... to get into trouble.
And I'll come home when I'm good and ready! ... to sleep on the couch.
Because a man's got to do what a man's got to do! ... and I'm going to do what you tell me to.
Because I'm top dog around here! ... but I've been neutered!

Sadly, for many men this is the case. Further proof that woman have it too good today and yet STILL whine their asses off.

[Janell]

Ronaldo I won't whine Im way too Bossy for that~

[Ronaldo]

Originally Posted by Janell

Ronaldo I won't whine Im way too Bossy for that~

You're whining to me on icq RIGHT NOW!

[Janell]

Originally Posted by Ronaldo

You're whining to me on icq RIGHT NOW!

I'm not whining I'm giving it to you straight... it's just too much truth to handle. lol