It's better to have loved and lost...

StuartD · 03-13-2004, 08:28 PM

What if you're not capable of it?

pxxx · 03-13-2004, 08:52 PM

Capable of what? If you don't mind me asking. I am a little confused with this question.

StuartD · 03-13-2004, 08:58 PM

What if you're not capable of loving someone?

That would make you one of the few who would never really know if it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before.

pxxx · 03-13-2004, 09:06 PM

I see, Everybody should be able to love, unless you have went through some kind of bad experience in your life, that made you seal your heart. I don't see a reason for somebody not being able to love. Also, love is something that everyone should get a chance to experience, because it can be really wonderful, and dangerous at the same time. I hope this was a bit of the kind of response you were looking for.

Funbrunette · 03-13-2004, 09:10 PM

Hum...famous lines by a poet... A guy named Lord Alfred Tennyson.

Love is, in my experience, the best emotion out there and heartbreak is one of the worst. Is love worth hearbreak?

What if the love was only a couple of months? What if it was a decade?

What if the person you love died? What if they told you they didn't love you?

Do you draw lines between these? Would different situations change your answer?

Is there one general answer that you'd apply?

In my honest opinion, it IS better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

pxxx · 03-13-2004, 09:18 PM

Poem seems pretty deep. Is that just a part of the poem? If it is, can you tell me where i can get the full? Will like to read the whole poem.

StuartD · 03-13-2004, 09:21 PM

Ok, put it this way... I never have loved anyone. Well, besides family... even then... I question the extent of it. My grandfather passed away and I don't feel much about it one way or another, even though I should.

But as far as women go, I've never felt anything beyond what you could consider friendship. Even then... I broke up with my last girlfriend because she wanted me to love her, and it just wasn't happening, and I wanted her to be happy. Now she's found someone else.

I sit here thinking that it's good that she's happy, and yet... all this time, I have found that I don't really even care all that much if I see her often, or ever. It's not out of spite, just no desire.

Everyone "should" be capable of love, doesn't mean that everyone is. If one thing is for certain, is that there's always someone who is capable of something, including not loving.

Maybe I'm just being weird and ranting, but I got to thinking about it quite a bit lately.

Why should I HAVE to be able to love? Just because it's what everyone else does? Am I really that much of a freak if it's just not in me?

oh, and I've always really enjoyed Lord Tennyson's poetry. He's one of the greats that really gets you thinking.

Funbrunette · 03-13-2004, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by StuartD
Ok, put it this way... I never have loved anyone. Well, besides family... even then... I question the extent of it. My grandfather passed away and I don't feel much about it one way or another, even though I should.

But as far as women go, I've never felt anything beyond what you could consider friendship. Even then... I broke up with my last girlfriend because she wanted me to love her, and it just wasn't happening, and I wanted her to be happy. Now she's found someone else.

I sit here thinking that it's good that she's happy, and yet... all this time, I have found that I don't really even care all that much if I see her often, or ever. It's not out of spite, just no desire.

Everyone "should" be capable of love, doesn't mean that everyone is. If one thing is for certain, is that there's always someone who is capable of something, including not loving.

Maybe I'm just being weird and ranting, but I got to thinking about it quite a bit lately.

Why should I HAVE to be able to love? Just because it's what everyone else does? Am I really that much of a freak if it's just not in me?

oh, and I've always really enjoyed Lord Tennyson's poetry. He's one of the greats that really gets you thinking.

Well, I'm no shrink....But here's what I think: You can't love someone if you don't love yourself. It's hard to accept who we really are! Another thing to consider is this...Are you sure you're ready for love? Have you met the right person?

Don't worry sweetie, when my grandmother past away I didn't shed one tear and I loved her very much, people deal with things (death for example differently).

Next time you see someone ask them what love is...you'll be surpised to know that they probably won't know what to answer. If you're happy that's all that matters!

BTW, if you like Lord Tennyson I found a few interesting facts on him HERE

pxxx · 03-13-2004, 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Funbrunette
Well, I'm no shrink....But here's what I think: You can't love someone if you don't love yourself. It's hard to accept who we really are! Another thing to consider is this...Are you sure you're ready for love? Have you met the right person?

Don't worry sweetie, when my grandmother past away I didn't shed one tear and I loved her very much, people deal with things (death for example differently).

Next time you see someone ask them what love is...you'll be surpised to know that they probably won't know what to answer. If you're happy that's all that matters!

BTW, if you like Lord Tennyson I found a few interesting facts on him HERE

Interesting, thanks for that. I was just caught by the piece of the poem that you shared with us, so i wanted to read the rest. I am a bit into poerty, sometimes i find it to be confusing.LOL

03-14-2004, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by StuartD
What if you're not capable of it?

I do not know if your religious StuartD, I would have to say that I am were you are right now! I asked my mother for advise and she sent to me this little card which reads..

Every day I need you Lord
But this day especially,
I need some extra strength
To face whatever is to be.
This day more than any day
I need to feel you near,
To fortify my courage
And to overcome my fear.

By myself, I cannot meet
The challenge of the hour,
There are times when humans help,
But we need a higher power
To assist us bear what must be borne,
and so dear Lord, I pray -
Hold on to my trembling hand
And be near me today.

Panky · 03-14-2004, 03:16 PM

People have different opinions as to what love means to them.

Seems to me that you just haven't found the right person. Your soulmate so to speak. Does this make you a freak or incapable of loving someone? Nope. It just simply means that you know who you are and that you will not be false with someone to make them happy.

If you would've turned around and started to change yourself so that she would feel as though you loved her or basically, she would feel love, it would be false. You would be miserable. It wouldn't last long. In the end, you would both hurt much more.

StuartD · 03-14-2004, 03:45 PM

I agree, that's the reason I broke up with her. I didn't want to lead her on anymore. I felt bad that I could never be what she wanted.

But I think you're all missing the point. I'm just not capable of it. I mean, sure there's varying definitions of love.

But it's just not in me, in any shape or form.

pxxx · 03-14-2004, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by StuartD
I agree, that's the reason I broke up with her. I didn't want to lead her on anymore. I felt bad that I could never be what she wanted.

But I think you're all missing the point. I'm just not capable of it. I mean, sure there's varying definitions of love.

But it's just not in me, in any shape or form.

Wow pretty deep man, sorry to hear that.

Magnus3x · 03-14-2004, 06:50 PM

Quote:

But I think you're all missing the point. I'm just not capable of it. I mean, sure there's varying definitions of love.

It will hit you and you will know!! That emotion is IMPOSSIBLE to avoid it's embedded genetically BUT if you dont seek you will not find...if you look too hard the opportunity may become blind. Can you go through life an not have it YES..but as someone who lives it daily I really hope you dont!

Good things happen to good people.. and StueyD is top fucking shelf!

Cyndalie · 03-15-2004, 10:48 AM

"What if you're not capable of loving someone?"

You can't force love, it just doesn't work that way. Love kinda sneaks up and grabs you by the balls, it's not a conscious decision - just as not loving someone. I know it sounds cheezy but love starts with how you feel about yourself and if you cannot accept someone elses love for you that emotion will never recprocate. Or she was just not right for you. Loving is not something you try to do, either it's there or it's not. I think you did the right thing, not one likes to be lead on.

MoonKitn · 03-15-2004, 10:11 PM

Everyone is capable of love, IMO, StuartD.

Some are just incapable of defining it on the terms of the status quo. And what's wrong with that?

There's nothing wrong with challenging convention, but I think it would be realistic to expect it to take a bit longer to find "the one," if that's what you're expecting to find...

But, patience is a virtue and the next thing you know, one day that perfect girl comes along. Or that imperfect girl, perfect enough to your heart to soften your expectations.. then...

BOOM!

There you are in love! And not just a 15 minute stint.... because its real... because you were emotionally mature enough to realize that you can't push the river.

The pure and natural happens purely and naturally. If you let it.

Another way of looking at it: Maybe its the grasping desperately at an empty love time after time that should be viewed in the fatalistic terms of, "What if?"

What if everyone just grabs the first person they get a hard on for; marrying time upon time, rearing children with no stability and no chance to form a solid identity in the midst of divorce, poverty, dometic violence??? I think we see "what if" going on around us daily... but that's another topic... ( and of course porn is 100% to blame... hahaha! lol.

)

I think you are on the right and honest track for you. That doesn't make you "incapable" of anything...

Wow... there is so much I could say on this. lol. But I don't say much and when I do I tend to put my foot in my mouth so...

I'm getting off the soap box now. lol.

Anyway, I've seen your posts across the boards and your willingness to help others... I really don't think you have anything to worry about ...

StuartD · 03-16-2004, 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MoonKitn
Anyway, I've seen your posts across the boards and your willingness to help others... I really don't think you have anything to worry about ...

heh.. thanx... but for all of my helping, I end up in the "big brother" zone.... you know, the guy that women can be really comfortable around and talk to about anything...
that kinda stuff. I mean, it's nice and all, but every single time is kind of annoying.

The one sentence I've heard the most in my life is "I wish I could find someone like you"

Anyway, this is all just me spewing out crap I've been thinking about. I'm not down about it... sometimes I am, but not at the moment. I've just been thinking about it lately.

sweet7 · 03-16-2004, 12:16 PM

I think this is a very different strokes for different folks topic. All answers are subjective, the point is to find the answers that best suit your own questions but only you can answer them. Others can only help to steer you in the right direction. Those are my two cents. If anyone needs any change back just HOLLER!