Dirty Limericks!

[Evil Chris]

All right it's almost St-Patrick's Day... and I figured why not post a few dirty limericks to mark the occasion?

I don't care if you've Googled them or know them by heart... just share them here! The dirtier the better!

Here's one....

There once was a hooker named Sue,
Who filled her vagina with glue.
When they paid to get in,
She said with a grin,
You must pay to get out of it too!

[Evil Chris]

"I told you", said Dick to Louise,
"Not to wash for a month, if you please.
I prefer hanky panky
With you when you're manky
And smelling of over-ripe cheese."


.....

She farted a deafening earful
And gave me (I guess) a whole rearful
While giving her head.
It invaded the bed
With a pungency horribly fearful.

[war_ner]

Hi Chris!

There once was a man named Bob
He loved to show off his nob
He flashed it at Dave
And rubbed it on Jay
Who sucked it like corn on the cob

[war_ner]

Another one..

There once was a vampire named Mabel,
who's period was notoriously stable
So one night in June
she sat with a spoon
and drank herself under the table

[Evil Chris]

Here's one most of you have probably heard before...


There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
While wiping his chin,
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!

[Nickatilynx]

A grey webmaster named Evil Chris
often gave one off the wrist
Waking up one day
With dravyk who was gay
He proclaimed "Fuck ! I must of been pissed"

[MorganGrayson]

Originally posted by Nickatilynx
A grey webmaster named Evil Chris
often gave one off the wrist
Waking up one day
With dravyk who was gay
He proclaimed "Fuck ! I must of been pissed"

Next class, students, we shall discuss "meter," or the lack thereof....

[MorganGrayson]

Insomnia being what it is, and poets being what they are, when I was young I killed a couple of nights when I couldn't sleep by writing 50 dirty limericks...none of which I will reproduce here, as they are in one of the many moving boxes marked "manuscripts" and I don't intend to look for them. They scanned, though, no matter how occasionally feeble they may have been obscenity-wise.

Chris...thanks for the "Nantucket" one. For some reason, I *always* blank on that one...and it comes up in my life more often than I can explain.

[Funbrunette]

Originally posted by Nickatilynx
A grey webmaster named Evil Chris
often gave one off the wrist
Waking up one day
With dravyk who was gay
He proclaimed "Fuck ! I must of been pissed"

ROFL!!!!!!!

[Evil Chris]

You know.... Nick rhymes with a lot of things too!!!

[Evil Chris]

At his computer sat Nick,
His hand... full of his dick,
But "full" is in this case quite relative,
And not to be overtly offensive,
His hand is the size of a tooth pick.

[GOD]

There once was a man from Kent
Who's cock was so long it was bent
To stay out of trouble,
he stuck it in double
And instead of cumming he went.

[GOD]

There once was a fellow from Ealing
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
And then like a trout,
he'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drips from the ceiling.

[GOD]

There once was a whore named Maureen
Who's cunt was not kept very clean
The semen dripped out,
of her smelly old spout
Which she wiped up and ate with Saltines™

[GOD]

There once was a Rabbi from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to screw
His wife said "Oy vay!
"If you keep on this way
"The Messiah will come before you!!"

[GOD]

There once was a guy from Old Port
Who's prick was remarkably short
As he climbed into bed,
his lady friend said
"That isn't a prick - its a WART!"

[GOD]

There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his cock
When he got an erection,
he'd play a selection
From Johann Sebastien Bach

[GOD]

There once was a woman named Betty
Who's cunt hairs stuck together like Spaghetti
She was dripping in sleaze,
well past her knees
You had to part her legs with a Machete!